My ass.

My ass. This ass. That ass.  Hee Hee. That ass fit into a pair of medium pants!!! Medium!!! I have not worn a medium pair of pants in over 15 years!  I am one happy girl!!

I've lost 57.4 pounds now!  I'm 181.2!

12 weeks post op.

I am 12 weeks out from my gastric bypass surgery. I am amazed at the differences.  I'm wearing the pants and shirt I wore prior to surgery and I can't believe how big they are now!

This is the point in the journey that is fun and exciting!  I never thought I would see this much of a difference in 3 months.  All of the hard days are worth it when I see changes like these!

As of today I am down 55.2 pounds and my BMI is 35.8.  Still obese and still have a looooonnnnggg way to go but I'm getting there!

Aug: 238.6, my highest weight and my lowest point. BMI 46.6
Sep: 227, I lost 11.6 pounds by working my tail off.
Oct 2, surgery day 224
Oct: 204, I lost 20 pounds the first month after surgery
Nov: 192.6, I lost 11.4 pounds
Dec: 183.4, 9.2 pounds lost so far this month! BMI 35.8.
I am so incredibly happy!  I still struggle daily with nausea and stomach pain so the journey is not all smiles and weight loss but I've finally decided it was all worth it.

That moment.

There is always that one moment in your life that happens and makes you smile so big and laugh so hard. That one moment that makes your day. That one moment that makes you stop and think about what just happened. My moment happened today.  All it took were a few words spoken by my kids and husband.  That was my moment.  Jason and I have a Christmas party to go to tonight and I was in the bathroom getting ready.  I stared at myself for a bit taking in the image that was looking back at me.  I looked at myself and I could see this new woman I was becoming.  I could see my waist! I felt comfortable and happy.  My moment happened when Ani was laying on the bed watching me fix my hair.  She blurted out "Mama you look good!". She automatically made me giggle and feel warm on the inside. My moment happened when I walked to the living room and Noelle said " You look so tall and pretty". I smiled like a goon.  My moment happened when Jason came out to the living room and looked at me and said "You look really pretty".  Those readers were my moments.  Those were the moments that made this journey worth it.

On another note...I got to spend a day with my bestest friend Amanda.  I met her in Germany while our husbands were deployed.  She now lives in Pennsylvania and I get to see her about twice a year.  She has become a part of my family.  I love her and her kids so much.  Amanda and I have lost 80 pounds combined since we last saw each other.  80 pounds!

What? What??

It has happened!!!!! I weighed this morning and I am at 188.2!!! I've lost 50.4 pounds!!! I am so incredibly excited! My BMI is out of the obese 3 category and into the obese 2 category.  It feels awesome to hit this milestone!

I cleaned out my closet last night and cleared out all of my size 18-24 size clothes. It felt liberating throwing the old me clothes into a box.  I am excited to say goodbye to those clothes forever.  I did keep my largest pair of jeans and 2 of my largest shirts.  I tried the jeans on last night and couldn't believe I had worn them just 10 weeks ago.  I plan to take a picture of them on to show you all soon! This journey is so life changing.

A whole new feeling.

For the first time since surgery I finally feel a difference.  Jason and I went to my work Christmas party last night and had an amazing time!!  I feel silly now for stressing so much about "the dress".

I was able to slip this dress on last night and feel beautiful for the first time in years.  I was comfortable with my body and was able to think " damn I've got something going on"!  Lol.  It was a nice change from hating myself and my body.  I had a ton of energy and was able to dance all evening!

 I was able to stand beside my amazingly sexy husband and not feel embarrassed for him.  For most of our marriage I have felt like a disappointment.  I've felt like he was way to good looking and sexy to have a girl like me.  I often wondered what people were thinking when they saw us together. "Poor guy is with that fat girl" was often chanted in my head.  Last night I felt sexy.  I felt like we looked like a perfect couple.

I am so thankful I made the hard decision to have this surgery and make this life change.  Everyday is getting better and less difficult.  Everyday brings me new life.  I hope to continue to love the person I am transforming into.

The good. The bad. The ugly.

This week has had its highs and its lows.  I was able to graduate from my fat girl scrubs to my smaller fat girl scrubs.  It was awesome being able to pull those pants up over my thighs and butt with ease! They are even loose. How incredible is that!!!???

So that was a pretty amazing high.  Onward to the low.  My work Christmas party is this Saturday and I have been on the "find a decent dress to wear" adventure.  I absolutely HATE shopping.  I like the idea of shopping but actually taking clothes to the dressing room and trying them on is something all together different.  I realized a few things while trying on a million different dresses in the past week.
1. My boobs are still HUGE.  I got stuck in some of the dresses trying to pull them over my still double D's.
2. Although I am losing my butt and my pants are saggy I still have a whole lot of ass left.  A whole lot.
3. It's harder to find a cute dress in a size 12/14 because so many women are this size.
4. I have the ugliest knees on the planet and there is a reason I have not worn shorts in public since highschool.
5. Trying to find said dress caused my little bit of self confidence to go down the toilet.
6. I need some heavy duty spanxs to hold up and suck in this roo pouch I still have.
7. I still have a very long way to go on this journey.
8. I will probably stick with wearing black pants to this party.
So after trying on a ton of dresses I walked out of the store with nothing.  Trying to find something presentable caused a hell of a lot of anxiety.  I am down 48.6 pounds and am now in a 12/14.  That is exciting for me.  I wore a size 12 when I got married 15 years ago.  I've been stuck at 190 all week and I am impatiently waiting to see the 180's.  Every day I have a new emotion.  Through the day I feel happy, mad, excited, miserable, and everything in between!

2 month weight check.

I had my 2 month weight check with Dr. Westmoreland today. I am down 47 pounds! I've lost 37 since the surgery.  I learned today that I am not eating nearly enough. I did not realize I was supposed to be eating 60-80 grams of protein a day.  Since I can't tolerate protein shakes now it is hard to get that much protein in.  I discussed the constant nausea with him and he wants me to give it 1 more month and if its not better he will have a upper GI done to see if there is a cause for the nausea.  Overall he was very pleased with my weight loss so far!! I am fitting into clothes I haven't seen for a very long time and that feels fabulous!  I see me changing every week and I couldn't be any more excited.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving. The day of eating until you can't sit down or breathe.  Oh and of course being thankful for this and that and the other. For a food addict however it is a day of uncomfortableness.  It's gluttony at its finest or disgustingness really.  Prior to having the surgery I was seriously worried about all of the food on the holidays.  I grieved long ago about all of the food I wouldn't be able to eat.  I thought I'm seriously having this surgery and will immediately be facing Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.  I was genuinely scared.  I made it through Halloween and the days after eating a tootsie roll here and there.  I thought I would want every Reese's I saw but I didn't.  I thought it would be hard not to raid the candy bag but again it wasnt.  I have been asked multiple times how I was going to handle Thanksgiving. I've been asked how I would feel cooking all the food and not being able to eat it.  So here I am on Thanksgiving typing up my blog at 4:56 p.m. and I'm content.  Very content.  I've ate everything I've made for the most part (no rolls or bread) just a bite here and there.  I haven't felt famished or deprived.  I've felt thankful for the tool gastric bypass has become for me.  I've felt thankful that I don't have the mentality that I need to clean my plate anymore. I am thankful I can eat a bite of something and feel satisfied. As far as cooking...I love to cook.  Cooking is a stress relief for me.  This surgery hasn't changed that.  I love to watch my family enjoy the food I make.  On this Thanksgiving Day I weigh 195 pounds.  I have lost 43.6 pounds.  My BMI has went from 46.6 to 38.1.  I'm making a new life and am loving it.

Our Thanksgiving spread.

My leftovers. I ate a piece of turkey, 2 cubes of sweet potatoes, 2 green beans, 2 bites of potatoes, and a bite of stuffing.

Week 7.

I was 7 weeks post op gastric bypass as of yesterday.  This week has been pretty good actually.  I feel like the dehydration is getting better.  I feel more energetic and actually have been able to do things after work besides sitting on the couch.  I have had some bouts of nausea almost everyday.  I ate chicken one night this week and it got stuck so I hung out with my buddy the toilet for a little while.
My foot is feeling so much better! I think I need 1 more injection and I will be like brand new!
*if you are my father or daughter stop reading!  You have been warned.
Losing 41 pounds has helped with sex! Yes I said sex! It's amazing how much weight hinders you between the sheets.  The increase in energy is amazing.  I am a whole new person.  The increase in libido is incredible. Of course confidence comes with all of this too which is awesome!
I am getting to where I actually feel positive about the surgery. It's been a challenging 7 weeks. I'm not going to lie and say it's been easy because that would be so far from the truth.  I am rarely satifised when I eat and actually despise eating now.  I get hunger pains and think I am starving and then I eat and feel blah.  It's really hard to figure out what I want to eat when nothing sounds good or appeals to me.  I am getting use to the life changes slowly but happily!

New Milestone.

As of this morning I am officially 40 pounds lighter!!!!   I weigh 198.6! So excited for the months ahead!

It happened!

I made it to ONEDERLAND!!!! I have waited for that number to pop up on the scale ALL week! It is so exciting to see the numbers going down and the changes happening with my body. I am now at 39.6 pounds gone forever! I can't believe I have almost lost a total of 40 pounds. I just want to go and dance around outside! Lol.

The weight loss is getting noticed by everyone now and its still strange to get compliments. A lot of my patients are asking questions and I never know what to say.  They all want to know how I'm doing it and for some reason I'm ashamed to say I had gastric bypass. I don't know if its because bypass has the "easy way out" connotation that comes with it??  I know its not the easy way out. Some of this process has been hard as hell. Well most of it really. Everyday is a new part of the process. Do I just say "I'm watching what I'm eating and exercising???". I guess I will figure it out.  

Today I'm going to enjoy being 199 pounds!

So close.

I am so close to ONEDERLAND that I can taste it. I am teetering between 200.8 and 200.6. I can't wait to see that number 1!

I have been doing pretty good until last night.  I am on soft solids so I've been introducing more foods.  I still can only eat a few bites of things which is okay.  I'm trying to drink as much as possible but I can tell I'm getting very dehydrated again. My energy level keeps dwindling.  Last night I got incredibly nauseous from my vitamins. I went to bed thinking I was going to vomit at any moment. I woke up this morning and tried to eat pears (I eat these every morning) and ended up with incredible stomach cramps and a whoosh of chills. It was bizarre. So I for see this day being kind of shitty.
I went to the podiatrist yesterday because I've been having left foot pain. It's been going on for 6 months or so and I had hoped with weight loss it would get better.  He said I have something called cuboid syndrome. Apparently my cuboid bone partially dislocates. He injected it yesterday so I am hoping it gets better.  If it hasn't improved in 2 weeks I have to get an MRI.  It's really interfered with exercising.  I want to start running again but I'm having a hard time just walking.
One awesome NSV is how loose my scrub pants are getting! Check this out;

These were so tight the pockets would come out when I would sit down. Now I can't hardly keep them up!

NSV

NSV= non scale victory.
I was able to easily put on a pair of size 16 jeans today! I have went from a size 24 to a 16!  So as frustrated as I am about the constant stomach trouble this has me pretty stoked.

Praying to the porcelain God.

This has been another hard stomach week.  I wonder sometimes if this is how its going to be for the rest of my life. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision in getting the surgery.  Another moment of weakness I suppose.  I'm 5 weeks out now and still get sick a lot.  Like a lot a lot.  I have the hunger pains and frequent cravings but as soon as food hits my stomach I instantaneously become nauseous and have stomach pain. I usually have to lay on the couch rubbing my stomach for 20-30 minutes until it passes.  Today I must have ate my lunch to quickly or didn't chew enough and ended up getting food stuck in my chest.  I had to fly from the table and into the bathroom.  The pain and pressure in my chest was intense.  It seriously felt like I was having a heart attack.  I sat on the floor of the bathroom at work for a good 20 minutes foaming at the mouth.  I ended up being able to vomit a little bit (bloody puke) and the food slowly passed. I HATE feeling this way all the time.  It really makes me not want to eat. I can't enjoy a meal without feeling like shit.  I still get stomach pain with drinking liquid.  I went walking this morning and came home and I swear unconsciously gulped a ice water.  I regretted that quickly.  Very quickly.  So fellow WLS peeps if you ever think your pouch isn't working gulp some water.
I have been able to exercise three times so far this week which has been amazing!  It's always nice to sweat!  I would think some more weight would fall off this week but I'm stuck at 203.8.  Sooooo close!

Transformation station.

I have not realized the difference 34 pounds has made to my body.  It was amazing to put this together and see the changes.  It makes all of the setbacks totally worth it.  

I got out for the first time in 4 weeks and exercised today!! I realized that I am VERY out of shape and still very short (jumping puddles)...lol.  It felt so amazing to sweat and walk the track. Thank you Danielle for coming with me!

Now I am trying to choke down a protein shake for the day.  Easier said than done!  Happy Sunday everybody!

1 month post op.

I am now 1 month post op.  I am weighing in at 204 pounds. I'm so close to the 100's!  I have now lost 34.6 pounds and I feel great!!  I'm amazed at the difference in the way I feel compared to last week.  I have been able to eat more this week with very little pain! I got to experience the "foamies" and vomiting Monday due to reheated eggs. I definitely won't be doing that again. It was a horrible feeling.  I also bought very low sugar (3 grams) and low carbohydrate ice cream that I have tried to eat twice now and both times it made me feel like shit.  So that was a disappointing reality.  Oh well Ive realized its just my body letting me know that I don't need it.  I did wake up this morning after having a dream that my Dad bought donuts and I ate one and it didn't hurt me at all. Imagine the let down when I realized it was all a dream.  My subconscious obviously wants some sugary carbohydrates.  

 I am to the point in my journey that other people are noticing the changes.  It's always been hard for me to take compliments. Most often I want to crawl into a hole and hide.  It's that whole negative self image and confidence.  I am ready to release that and feel good about myself.
I hope everyone has a great Halloween. It's been hard not digging through my daughters sack of candy. Really hard.  It's the smallest changes that are the hardest.

Normalcy.

I was actually able to sit down with my family last night and eat a meal with them! I made crockpot chicken tacos and I was able to eat the chicken with some black beans and salsa!! It was nice to actually be able to eat a normal meal.  I am so happy to be getting better!
Oh and I am 34 pounds down!!

Looking up.

Oh what a difference a day makes.  Today I have been able to eat scrambled eggs, potatoe soup and pumpkin pie yogurt with no dumping or abdominal pain!!! That is ahmazing!! I have felt pretty great all day! I've sipped on Gatorade zero and water.  I'm trying my hardest to keep myself healthy.  I felt well enough to take Ani to a Fall Hoedown hosted by a local church.  I of course got tired but it was amazing to spend time with my kiddo and see her smile.  I'm a Mom first and foremost.  I had this done to be a better mother.  A fun mother.  A healthy mother. We got home and carved pumpkins and we are roasting pumpkin seeds! It's been a fantabulous day.

Another day in the life.

What a whirlwind of a week this has been
 It definitely did not go as planned. My intentions were to go back to work Monday and be a bad ass.  I thought I felt well enough to go back in full force. This surgery quickly said "No".  I blogged about the week on Thursday. I woke up feeling horrible and was given a IV at work to get me through the day. The IV helped but not for long.  I can only imagine how dry my insides were. I imagine it soaked up that bag in a hurry and then laughed.  Laughed really loud.  Friday morning I woke up and knew that I did not have the energy to work.  I was seriously concerned I would pass out.  So I placed a call to Dr. Westmoreland (surgeon) and gave them a run down of my symptoms.  The nurse called back and said she wasn't concerned about a pulmonary embolism but was concerned about pneumonia and to get in with my primary Dr.  So I went in and saw the NP and she ordered a chest X-ray that came back clear (phew). She gave me a bag of fluids and drew some blood along with checking me for the flu.  The NP told me " You look like crap on a cracker" and that was pretty accurate to how I felt.  After the liter of fluid I still wasn't feeling good and my blood pressure would drop and my face would turn ghost white when I sat up.  She decided that I needed to be admitted to the hospital for at least a 24 hour observation for fluids.  So Jason and I headed over to the hospital. Once there I had two nurses trying to start an IV and destroying my arms.

Every time they would stick a vein it would go flat and blow because of the dehydration.  I felt like a human pin cushion. Between the IV Thursday, Friday and the 4 lab draws so far I look like a hot mess.  I am feeling much better though.  I haven't been able to eat a whole lot but the fluids from the IV have perked me up.  Everything I eat tastes bad. I feel like this surgery has completely changed my taste buds.  I'm on prophylactic heparin ( blood thinner) every 8 hours to ensure no blood clots. I will be seeing a nutritionist today to go over some things which I think will help me a lot.
I don't want to deter anyone from this surgery by being open and honest.  We all have a strength in us to handle anything.  I am reminded of why I did this surgery when I look in the mirror and remember how much I hated myself.  I was 206.3 at the Dr's office yesterday.  I am down 32 pounds.  That's just insane to me.  I may be having a rough time right now but it will get better.  This will all be in the distant past soon enough.

New milestone.

Today I got on the scale and weighed 208.6. That means I have lost 30 pounds now!! That is the amount of cheese an average person eats in a year. As much as I wanted to jump up and down I couldn't because I was so damn weak. Everyday is getting a little bit harder.  Today I couldn't lift my arms to get Ani dressed.  I was short of breath and breathing heavily just trying to walk across the floor.  I was extremely tired. I was dizzy and lightheaded but I came to work because I cannot afford not to. I planned on going to the ER after work to get some fluids but it was offered to get a bag done at work and I said "lets do this". The bag of fluids helped with the difficulty breathing but I am still weak and shakey. I still feel like I could fall out on the floor at any moment. I just keep telling myself this has to get better.  I have to be able to eat and drink more soon. Right?? It has to happen?? Soon??

Adjusting.

My days of laying on the couch and taking it easy came to an end on Monday.  It's been a really big adjustment.
Monday I had a lot of abdominal tenderness by the end of the day and of course I had that whole dumping incident (ewww again). By the early afternoon I was pretty tired but was able to come home and rest.  I've had a nasty cough that is causing an increase in belly pain too.  A cough after surgery SUCKS. It sucks bad.
Tuesday I was able to eat some apple/blueberry baby food for breakfast. Yes I said baby food.  Its been quite the experience taste testing baby food. A lot of them are so incredibly nasty.  For lunch I ate half of a peach Oikos triple zero yogurt and some unsweet tea.  Its been hard being back to work and around all of the junk food.  There was a drug rep lunch with Mexican food!! Mexican. My favorite.  It's been a real mental challenge because I have head hunger.

 I'm not physically hungry but the smells and sights of food are wonderful!! I am reminded of why I had the surgery. I needed the tool to help myself.  The rest of the afternoon I had a lot of abdominal cramping and was in and out of the bathroom. I don't know why I've had so much trouble with gas and pain. I can only figure it's because I am up moving and its shaking things up.  Apparently my stomach was unimpressed with the non-sweet tea I tried.  I found that my fatigue and weakness was worse and I had difficulty holding ladies arms up to check blood pressure.  I didn't realize I was so weak.  I got home and made some scrambled eggs and had a pretty uneventful evening. My stomach seemed to settle which was a relief.
Today started off okay. I felt pretty good this morning.  I didn't have any patients and was able to catch up on my tasks and paperwork. Lunch came around and I had cottage cheese. Apparently my stomach wasn't happy with that and I ended up in and out of the bathroom again.  I got home and tried to eat soup and I automatically became nauseous and had to lay down.  To put it bluntly I felt like ass.  Ive been short of breath and weak.  I believe I'm expending way more energy and not enough calories. It's so hard to get the calories and liquids in when your stomach hurts all of the time.
It's been 3 days of wishing I was "normal" if only for a day.  I want one day of having energy. One day of being able to drink and eat without a stomachache.  Even with all this happening I am still very happy with my decision to have the surgery.  I've been told several times by co-workers that they don't know how I have done this and they give me props.  This surgery is no joke. It's not easy.  You have to be mentally strong to handle it all.

Dumping.

Dumping syndrome is exactly what you would think it is.  It's not fun at all. I got to have my first experience with it today and of course I was at work. Convenient huh???!!  I happened to drink 3 sips of fairlife chocolate milk.  I thought it was a good option as it is lower in sugar and carbohydrates.  I was apparently very wrong.  About 30 minutes after my 3rd sip I got severe abdominal pain, sweating, nausea and diarrhea.  Gross topic I know, but it is something I wanted to share so you can get the full experience of this surgery.  I've said before that everything has to be thought about before you eat or drink.  So today I have eaten about 5 cubes of jello.  This pouch has a mind of its own.  Work went well otherwise. I am tired as expected and some left abdominal tenderness.  This isn't easy. Not easy at all.

Realization.

This is my life.  This is how things are going to be for quite some time. For the past 2 days I have just wanted to be a normal person.  I've wanted to be able to sit down and eat a normal meal.  I knew before this surgery that I was going to have food grieving days.  I'm a food addict so it was inevitable.  It didn't help that I woke up this morning and had gained a pound.  I know weight gain will happen but it honestly scared the shit out of me this early in the game.  Hell I'm 2 weeks out from surgery and I have a pound weight gain???  I was able to eat a little more than I have been yesterday which I appreciated then but today I am regretting. It makes you scared to eat. In the crazy fat girl part of my brain its terrifying.
On a positive note (I like to throw those in) I took 2 week progress pictures and I am amazed. I can really tell the difference and it feels good! So that 1 pound essentially means nothing when I see the progress :)

2 weeks post op.

I made it to 2 week post op status.  Today has not been a good day so far.  I have been nauseous all morning. It feels like when I was preggo and had all day sickness.  I woke up and took a drink of water and my stomach cramped.  I decided to make oatmeal and after getting it all done I smelled it and threw it away.  I decided to eat some apple/blueberry baby food and did okay I thought. About 5 minutes later I was so nauseous I had to take some Reglan.  So it seems dehydration is inevitable today unfortunately.  To all of you who have had WLS is this normal???? Normal to have a day of being able to eat pretty good and the next day unable to eat or drink?

Puree stage. Day 13.

I decided to venture into the puree stage today.  Tonight I am regretting that venture.  I did decide to try a day early and maybe that is the issue. I have not had much luck with the liquid diet. Every thing I tried to eat prior has not tasted right or was unappetizing. I would get everything prepared and sit down to eat it and change my mind.  So today I pureed tuna, sweet pickles, and Greek yogurt.  It tasted so good but caused a lot of stomach gas.  I am hoping it's because I am introducing new foods into my new stomach and not an indicator of how it will always be!! I ate some blueberry/apple babyfood that went down good with no trouble.  Tonight for dinner I decided to try refried beans with Greek yogurt.  Of course it tasted amazing but I have been miserable ever since.  The gas is awful!! I have taken 5 gas strips between this afternoon and evening.  I think I'll take it easy on the food tomorrow because good grief! I feel like an old man who can't hold in the gas.  Lord I hope my husband chooses to not read this post. Lol.
On another note my incision scars are itching like a mother!  I've tried to lotion up my stomach with very little relief. I just want to scratch the heck out of these suckers! Gah!!
I went to the park to walk today with Danielle to get in some exercise and although it wasn't for very long but it felt good!

Post op appointment.

I had my post op appointment with Dr Westmoreland today.  He was very happy to see that I have lost 15 pounds since my pre op appointment. I have lost a total of 25 pounds since September.  It was decided that I wait to go back to work until Monday. That gives my body more time to heal and more time for me to start eating and drinking more to get my strength back.  I feel really good.
I still can't believe I had gastric bypass. Sometimes I think maybe I did take the easy way out.  Then I look back at my life and this journey and realize that this is far from easy.  Every decision I make now is a very conscious one.  I am very aware of every single thing I consume.  I have to make sure I am not gulping my fluids because it will cause gas and vomiting.  I have to make sure I only eat a few tablespoons of something and chew the heck out of it before I swallow.  I don't get to go out and grab a cheeseburger from Burger King if I want too.  Every decision has a consequence whether it be good or bad.  I have had to be very mentally prepared for this change.  I still desire the thought, the idea of food.  I still smell something (like popcorn) and think I would love to swim in a pool of that! The thought of actually eating it turns my stomach.  Everyday is a new day with new obstacles.  Some days I wake up and I can drink water no problem and then other days water gives me stomach cramps. I just never know. It's a toss up.  I still have a lot of mental work to do because I have nagging thoughts that I know will ruin me.  I think about how great I am doing now but if I start to get an appetite I am going to gain weight.  In the intelligent part of my brain I know eating is important. I know I need protein. In the "fat girl" part of my brain I am still pretty pessimistic unfortunately.  I know continued therepy will help with that.  I am relieved that I am at least present in my thinking process.  It could be worse.
I am most amazed at the confidence boosting the bypass and weight loss has provided.  I haven't had a lick of confidence for so long that it's nice to see the blooming of confidence each day.  I went last night and got a new hair do and color to go with the new me!  I'm getting there and very excited for my future.