Cheat Day.

I had my first official cheat DAY in 6 weeks.  I didn't eat very healthy but I am okay with it.  I've ate something unhealthy here and there but nothing extreme like yesterday.  I honestly felt like I deserved to take it easy and indulge a little bit.  I was terrified before to sway to much because I thought I would completely lose control and end up going back to the old me.  I can tell that my mind set has changed though and that feels good.  I didn't journal my calories yesterday.  I had a running count in my head but I knew if I started writing them down I would panic.  The idea of seeing all the calories tracked on paper makes me stress just a little bit.  Okay it makes me stress a lot!  I don't know if that's a good sign or a OCD sign?  Either way it keeps me in line most of the time.  I started my day with a hot pink rice krispie treat.  The ONLY reason they were in my house was because we made them for Anistyn's Valentines Day party at daycare.  That was my breakfast. Healthy? No not at all.  Yummy?  Absolutely.  We decided to have lunch delivered at work and in hind site I should have just ate the lunch I packed but I wanted a break.  I looked at the nutrition menus of 3-4 different places and honestly they were all not very good.  The girls at work decided to order Jimmy Johns (sandwich shop).  My first time eating lunch with the ladies since I started my journey (well besides eating what I would bring in my lunch).  I ordered a turkey lettuce wrap and a pickle.  I skipped the chips and asked for no mayo.  I thought that was a good decision.  Again in hind site I should have ordered no cheese and no avocado spread but then would that really be worth ordering?  It was good but definitely not fabulous and I wouldn't order it again.  After eating it I looked up the nutrition.  That lettuce wrap was 540 calories!!  That is over half of my allotted caloric intake.  Now minus the mayo is was probably under 500 but still it was ridiculous.  It amazes me how many calories are in the food we eat.  It is no wonder we are an obese country.  Most fast food meals have 1000+ calories in them.  For a normal person on a 1200 calorie diet 1 meal will destroy their day!  I skipped my snacks yesterday (another not so smart decision) to allow me the calories for the rest of the day.  There was a Valentines Day party at work and they had candy and cookies.  I made a conscious decision that I didn't want to waste my calories on that.  I settled for a small glass of diet coke.  Once home however the remnants of the rice krispie treats were still there and I couldn't resist them!  I ate more than I should and ended up throwing them in the trash so I would stay out of them.  That's why we don't buy things like that for our house.  If it is never bought or made you cant make a poor decision and ruin your day.  Since it was Valentines Day we made reservations to take the girls to Chick-fil-A as they had a special evening planned for RSVPers (I know that's not a word.  Anyone that knows me will attest that I make up my own words often).  Of course there were better for you meals but I chose the classic chicken and waffle fries.  I tried hard not to feel guilty and just enjoy this day of not logging calories.  I didn't eat all of my bread and I left over half of my fries.  They did have a chocolate fountain with strawberries, marshmallows and pretzels so I had to check that out.  I chose strawberries (they ARE healthier right?) and skipped the marshmallows (I do believe I had enough with the 500 rice krispie treats I ate).   I started to feel guilty and my mind was going a million miles an hour.  I was worried that Jason was thinking I was a glutton and destroying my progress.  Rationally though I know he wasn't paying any attention and is proud of what I have accomplished.  I cant believe how much guilt comes with a cheat day!  All in all it was a very nice relaxing dinner with my girls and guy!  On the way home I really wanted a blizzard from DQ but didn't say anything.  I knew that I really didn't need it and neither did my kids.  They have had their fill of chocolate the past 3 days.  I'm surprised Anistyn hasn't broke out onto Noelle's balcony and ran across the roof as much sugar as she has had!  I got home and the poor decisions continued.  I wasn't even hungry and I ate way to many damn Samoa girl scout cookies.  I ended up throwing the rest away.  Some may say it was a waste but for my own good I had to not have access to them.  So that was my day.  Phew!  What a roller coaster.  I don't know my final calorie count but I know it was ridiculously high.  I am already terrified that I have destroyed my weigh in for this coming week.  Some day I hope to not feel guilty about everything in my life.  Tonight Jason and I are going out for OUR Valentines Day date kid less.  I will have to make MORE decisions but I know today they will be the right ones.  Thanks to the Dr I work for I have strawberries and a CALORIE free chocolate and marshmallow sauce to indulge in tonight!
Thank you to everyone who commented on the pictures I posted last night on facebook.  It was overwhelming to have so many friends comment on how they can tell I have lost weight in my face.  Its exciting to have other people notice the changes occurring!  I told you all I had a double chin before!  It was enjoyable telling it goodbye!