I thought that Tuesday nights meal was my "last supper". I was in the right mind set and ready to start my 2 week liquid diet. After the chaos of waiting for the surgery date call I got extremely frustrated and ate a lot of food I shouldn't have. I should have just stayed on track with my head where it needed to be. With all the frustration mixed with my growing depression and medication changes I just screwed myself.
The good news is I have started a new medicine and so far it seems to be opening the clouds in my head a bit. Depression is real and so serious. I have never been suicidal so I don't worry about myself like I probably should. I have however felt extremely sad, emotional, lonely, confused, and misunderstood to name a few. I have really felt hopeless. I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling out of control. I am relieved to have a new medicine on board. I was supposed to have a paych apt on Friday and he had to reschedule so that made a lot of the feelings worse. This weight loss battle/journey has been hard and brought up a lot of feelings from my past and they leak into my present life and cause problems. It's all a mental game.
So tomorrow I am going to wake up with a better attitude and a craving for protein shakes!! Onward I go!
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