Support Group.

I went to my first bariatric support group tonight. I couldn't help but sit in there and think that I am pathetic. I need a support group because I have a food addiction??????  A  food addiction!!!!!  It's crazy huh?? It's unlike other addictions in one way.... I HAVE to eat food to live. If I had a alcohol, smoking, or drug addiction I would have the option of quitting.  I can't just stop eating.  If only it were that easy.  If only I could eat 1 bite of a snickers bar. If only I could stop after eating a scoop of icecream. If only......

It was refreshing to hear other people talking about the same issues I have with food.  It was awesome to hear how far they were into their journey and see how wonderful they looked and how great they felt. It felt comforting to know that all of the people in the room have been on the same journey at some point in their life.
I keep waiting for the one asshole who is going to say I took the easy way out. This isn't easy. This is going to be one of the most difficult things I ever do.  It's taken a lot of thought and researching to feel like I am ready. I have had to be selfish for the first time in my life.  I am doing this to better myself. I'm doing this for me.  My entire life I have done things for everyone else and placed myself on the back burner. Its time that I look and feel better!! I am excited at the prospect of loving myself inside and out. I've never loved myself. I have at many times hated myself.  I want to be able to get up in the morning happy to be alive. I don't want to hurt as soon as my feet hit the floor. I don't want to struggle to cross my legs. I don't want to be afraid to look at my body in the mirror.  I don't want to get winded from walking up a flight of stairs. I don't want to be the fat one in the family.
I seriously considered keeping this journey to myself. I didn't consider it for long. I am a open book. I like to say out loud what I know people think. I am me. At the moment a very unhappy depressed me but I am me.
Oh and what does one do after fat girl support group? I go to dinner with a friend (thank you Danielle) at TGIF and eat a burger and fries. Yep I have a long journey ahead of me. That much is obvious.