Do you know what makes that sound? That is the sound that my thighs make when they rub together as I am walking! Is it an attractive sound? Hell No! One of my biggest insecurities among many are my thighs. I remember as a pre-teen I would get rashes on the inner thighs due to them rubbing together. It bothered me then and still does to this day. I am probably the only one who notices it (at least I sure hope so) as I walk down the hall but that is enough. I cannot wait until I no longer hear that horrible sound. Hmmmm what are my other body image insecurities? I hate my "roo pouch". Do you know what the "roo pouch" is? It is where my two precious roo's lived for 9 months. It is where I now hold a whole lot of fat! It is the area that is the hardest for me to get rid of. I am thankful for my children and proud of the stretch marks but that damn "roo pouch" needs to go! The third and final worst part of my body is my arms. The upper arms to be exact. There is nothing worse than shaking a salt shaker and having your jiggly arm fat flapping behind it. I know not the best visual but whatever works! I hate brushing my teeth, clapping, waving, and now shaking a salt shaker all due to the flapping that comes with it. I am hoping that I can lose the arm fat and not have loose disgusting skin left behind. What are your insecurities? Am I the only one who feels this disgusting? I've said it before and it wasn't an exaggeration I have the worst self/body image. I wonder if even when I lose the weight I will truly see a thinner person. My insecurities even follow me to my dreams. I once had a dream that I was naked (not pretty in and of its self) in a male shower room at a prison. I was the only naked one and I was trying to cover myself while the jail birds pointed and laughed. How wonderful was that to wake up from!
In all honestly I just want to see a different person looking back. I want to exude confidence. I worry so much that my girls are going to have low self esteem because they see a mother who doesn't like herself much. I try to not voice my insecurities when they are around but Noelle for sure knows how I feel about myself. She already has low confidence in herself and I blame myself. I just think this whole situation is going to better so many aspects in my life. Sunday I had Noelle take the dreaded bra and panty pic for me. I needed a good start picture to remind myself of just how grotesque I am at the moment. I really never want to look like this again. With all the help from the weight loss clinic and friends reading and supporting me and this blog I think it will happen!
As for how the day went today.....It started out good I ate about 360 in calories for breakfast. Breakfast is still my highest calorie meal of the day. By 10 I was hungry and ate a snack of celery with peanut butter. By the way celery is very very low in calories! Lunch time rolled around and guess what the drug reps brought?! Chick-fil-a. So my first true temptation. It was hard to get my little blue lunch box out of the refrigerator and head down to the conference room with everyone eating fast food. It ended up not being quite as difficult as I though it would be however. It was all good until the chocolate chip cookies came out. Anyone that knows me knows that I LOVE sweets especially chocolate! I just whipped out my little cup of applesauce and pretended it was a cookie. Needless to say it wasn't the same by any means but I lived. I felt better having stuck to my plan. Lunches at work are going to be the hardest to handle. I have a huge issue with willpower. We get lunch catered in about 2-3 times a week. Its never healthy food. I am pretty proud that I sucked it up and didn't stray today. I ended up at 1025 calories for the day. I have been consistently logging numbers like that since Saturday. Doing pretty good I think!
Decided to do a new workout tape I bought yesterday "Dancing with the Stars/Fat burning cardio." I have to say I didn't like it at all. Noelle and I had a lot of laughs trying to look cool doing the moves but it was not for me! Not only did it make me feel stupid and more insecure it was really damn fast moving. A human being who has never danced a day in their life are not meant to do this tape! I think I will stick with the Biggest Loser DVD's!
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As always friends thanks for reading. I am going to make a brownie recipe later this week or weekend! I will let you know how it turns out!
I'm counting calories as well and I've noticed that usually I can curb my sweet tooth with either a Yoplait Yogurt (Some are only 90 Calories! You just have to look!) or I count out 33 Chocolate Chips (or however many the bag says is a serving) and it's only 90 calories or close to it depending on the brand and type. I hope that helps :)
ReplyDeleteYes thank you!!!!
ReplyDeleteGirl- I think every woman, no matter how big or small, has self image issues so please don't feel all alone out there. Take pride in yourself for doing something about it, that's a step ahead of most! Celery and peanut butter has gotten me through several "I am so hungry I could chew my arm off" moments in the past couple weeks. I also keep raisins for healthy snacking. If I really really need chocolate I have a hidden stash of bite size snickers and only allow myself one. But the chocolate chip trick would work too. Doing great woman!
ReplyDeleteI have the EXACT SAME INSECURITIES!!! Just know you are not alone. But also remember you are beautiful! You are working on your "imperfections" and a year from now you will look back and see how far you have come. You will be so proud of yourself, you will have pictures to show your daughters showing them how hard you worked bcs you do love yourself enough to change. You got this girl. I have faith in you!
ReplyDeleteJust remember to not starve yourself. Eating too low of calories will actually cause your body to gain weight and slow down your metabolism. Your body needs those calories as fuel to burn. I weigh a little over 300 and can eat 1700 calories before exercise and still loose 2lbs a week. When I exercise I try to eat 1/2 those calories back. It was a learning process for me last year and I was able to lose 45lbs in 3 months. You are on the right track. Keep pushing forward and going strong!