My ass.

My ass. This ass. That ass.  Hee Hee. That ass fit into a pair of medium pants!!! Medium!!! I have not worn a medium pair of pants in over 15 years!  I am one happy girl!!

I've lost 57.4 pounds now!  I'm 181.2!

12 weeks post op.

I am 12 weeks out from my gastric bypass surgery. I am amazed at the differences.  I'm wearing the pants and shirt I wore prior to surgery and I can't believe how big they are now!

This is the point in the journey that is fun and exciting!  I never thought I would see this much of a difference in 3 months.  All of the hard days are worth it when I see changes like these!

As of today I am down 55.2 pounds and my BMI is 35.8.  Still obese and still have a looooonnnnggg way to go but I'm getting there!

Aug: 238.6, my highest weight and my lowest point. BMI 46.6
Sep: 227, I lost 11.6 pounds by working my tail off.
Oct 2, surgery day 224
Oct: 204, I lost 20 pounds the first month after surgery
Nov: 192.6, I lost 11.4 pounds
Dec: 183.4, 9.2 pounds lost so far this month! BMI 35.8.
I am so incredibly happy!  I still struggle daily with nausea and stomach pain so the journey is not all smiles and weight loss but I've finally decided it was all worth it.

That moment.

There is always that one moment in your life that happens and makes you smile so big and laugh so hard. That one moment that makes your day. That one moment that makes you stop and think about what just happened. My moment happened today.  All it took were a few words spoken by my kids and husband.  That was my moment.  Jason and I have a Christmas party to go to tonight and I was in the bathroom getting ready.  I stared at myself for a bit taking in the image that was looking back at me.  I looked at myself and I could see this new woman I was becoming.  I could see my waist! I felt comfortable and happy.  My moment happened when Ani was laying on the bed watching me fix my hair.  She blurted out "Mama you look good!". She automatically made me giggle and feel warm on the inside. My moment happened when I walked to the living room and Noelle said " You look so tall and pretty". I smiled like a goon.  My moment happened when Jason came out to the living room and looked at me and said "You look really pretty".  Those readers were my moments.  Those were the moments that made this journey worth it.

On another note...I got to spend a day with my bestest friend Amanda.  I met her in Germany while our husbands were deployed.  She now lives in Pennsylvania and I get to see her about twice a year.  She has become a part of my family.  I love her and her kids so much.  Amanda and I have lost 80 pounds combined since we last saw each other.  80 pounds!

What? What??

It has happened!!!!! I weighed this morning and I am at 188.2!!! I've lost 50.4 pounds!!! I am so incredibly excited! My BMI is out of the obese 3 category and into the obese 2 category.  It feels awesome to hit this milestone!

I cleaned out my closet last night and cleared out all of my size 18-24 size clothes. It felt liberating throwing the old me clothes into a box.  I am excited to say goodbye to those clothes forever.  I did keep my largest pair of jeans and 2 of my largest shirts.  I tried the jeans on last night and couldn't believe I had worn them just 10 weeks ago.  I plan to take a picture of them on to show you all soon! This journey is so life changing.

A whole new feeling.

For the first time since surgery I finally feel a difference.  Jason and I went to my work Christmas party last night and had an amazing time!!  I feel silly now for stressing so much about "the dress".

I was able to slip this dress on last night and feel beautiful for the first time in years.  I was comfortable with my body and was able to think " damn I've got something going on"!  Lol.  It was a nice change from hating myself and my body.  I had a ton of energy and was able to dance all evening!

 I was able to stand beside my amazingly sexy husband and not feel embarrassed for him.  For most of our marriage I have felt like a disappointment.  I've felt like he was way to good looking and sexy to have a girl like me.  I often wondered what people were thinking when they saw us together. "Poor guy is with that fat girl" was often chanted in my head.  Last night I felt sexy.  I felt like we looked like a perfect couple.

I am so thankful I made the hard decision to have this surgery and make this life change.  Everyday is getting better and less difficult.  Everyday brings me new life.  I hope to continue to love the person I am transforming into.

The good. The bad. The ugly.

This week has had its highs and its lows.  I was able to graduate from my fat girl scrubs to my smaller fat girl scrubs.  It was awesome being able to pull those pants up over my thighs and butt with ease! They are even loose. How incredible is that!!!???

So that was a pretty amazing high.  Onward to the low.  My work Christmas party is this Saturday and I have been on the "find a decent dress to wear" adventure.  I absolutely HATE shopping.  I like the idea of shopping but actually taking clothes to the dressing room and trying them on is something all together different.  I realized a few things while trying on a million different dresses in the past week.
1. My boobs are still HUGE.  I got stuck in some of the dresses trying to pull them over my still double D's.
2. Although I am losing my butt and my pants are saggy I still have a whole lot of ass left.  A whole lot.
3. It's harder to find a cute dress in a size 12/14 because so many women are this size.
4. I have the ugliest knees on the planet and there is a reason I have not worn shorts in public since highschool.
5. Trying to find said dress caused my little bit of self confidence to go down the toilet.
6. I need some heavy duty spanxs to hold up and suck in this roo pouch I still have.
7. I still have a very long way to go on this journey.
8. I will probably stick with wearing black pants to this party.
So after trying on a ton of dresses I walked out of the store with nothing.  Trying to find something presentable caused a hell of a lot of anxiety.  I am down 48.6 pounds and am now in a 12/14.  That is exciting for me.  I wore a size 12 when I got married 15 years ago.  I've been stuck at 190 all week and I am impatiently waiting to see the 180's.  Every day I have a new emotion.  Through the day I feel happy, mad, excited, miserable, and everything in between!

2 month weight check.

I had my 2 month weight check with Dr. Westmoreland today. I am down 47 pounds! I've lost 37 since the surgery.  I learned today that I am not eating nearly enough. I did not realize I was supposed to be eating 60-80 grams of protein a day.  Since I can't tolerate protein shakes now it is hard to get that much protein in.  I discussed the constant nausea with him and he wants me to give it 1 more month and if its not better he will have a upper GI done to see if there is a cause for the nausea.  Overall he was very pleased with my weight loss so far!! I am fitting into clothes I haven't seen for a very long time and that feels fabulous!  I see me changing every week and I couldn't be any more excited.