Slippery Slope.

I have not posted for a few weeks because I have been hiding. I am no longer a inspiration to anyone especially myself.  I have fallen and can't seem to find my way back up.  The past two months have brought so much frustration, worry, and stress.  I cannot seem to figure out a way to relieve my stress other than eating.  I don't even feel good when I do binge eat. I feel guilty the entire time I am shoving food in my face.  I guess I get instant gratification but then feel like a fat cow. I see all of the progress I had made going away.  The inches I have lost are back. I have gained a good 10 pounds in 2 months.  I wish that my mentality would change.  I wish I could relieve my stress in a healthy way.  I wish.  Anyone can wish but only the strong make things happen.  I always say I am a self sabatoger and these past 2 months are proof of that.  I am always my own worst enemy.  I feel like I am a record playing the same song over and over again.  I seriously feel like I need a fat girl support group.  I need to figure out ways to lift myself up instead of beating myself down.  I had big plans to run races this year and get fit.  So far half the year has passed and neither one of those have happened.  I am currently in physical therapy for my back.  The MRI showed some mild to moderate disk bulging and I was diagnosed with degenerative disk disease.  Basically I have a old fucking back.  I posted my beautiful day 1 of the gym picture a couple weeks ago.  I was ready to start fresh and get fit.  I ended up only being able to walk for 15 minutes before my back felt like it was on fire and shooting pains were running down my leg.  I haven't been back since.  It hurts to try and stand to cook let alone run.  So I am at the mercy of the physical therepist.  I want more than anything to be a confident person who feels like I deserve to be healthy.  My brain is so twisted all the time when it comes to self image and self worth.  I was hoping to write a "life is fabulous" blog entry but this is my reality.  The battle to lose weight rages on.  I hope some of you all are doing better than me.