Summer Summer Summertime.

This has truly been such an amazing summer. A truly amazing year really.  I attribute it all to my weight loss, family, and friends.
At the beginning of the summer I severed ties with my Mom. As hard as that step was it has overall been the best thing I could have done for my own mental health.  I was not going to be able to move forward and be the best me I could be by dealing continually with her narcissistic antics.  I am blessed with an amazing counselor who has helped me try and understand this process.  She told me today that I look so happy.  She said she has never seen me laugh and smile so much.  That may have been a huge loss in my life but through it I found myself.
In June I was able to see my cousin whom I hadn't seen in 15+ years. It was so nice to catch up and spend a few hours with him.

I was blessed this summer to get to see my best friend Amanda.  I met Amanda in Germany through the military and she has been a God send.  She is a forever friend whom I love so much.  Her children have a special spot in my life as well.  She has been such a huge support through this surgery. She is always texting words of encouragement and checking in to see how I am doing.  It's amazing to have a friend turn into a sister.

This summer Jason and I had the pleasure of going on a overnight date to Nashville. It was fabulous being able to spend time together without kids and just focus on our relationship.  I had so much fun going shopping for a date outfit and then having the energy to bar hop and let loose!

July proved to be even more fabulous when I got to spend the weekend with my best friend of 20+ years Joyce.  I met Joyce at my very first job and we have been friends ever since. We don't hear from eachother much but when we saw eachother time had never seemed to pass.

I finished the month of July by going to Sevierville and spending time with my Aunt Lynn and Aunt Kim. I had the most amazing time at their home. Lynn has been a God send for me. She is not just my Aunt but has really stepped in as my mother and best friend.  She has helped me through this surgery and every aspect of life.  I am able to ask her any questions I have and tell her anything I need to and I don't ever feel judged.  It was so fun sitting around her kitchen table drinking and chatting.  While visiting I was able to bungee jump. That was something I never thought I would do.  As scary as it was it was freeing.  I know that weighing 106 pounds heavier I wouldn't of taken that leap.

It is awesome to have such an amazing support system.  I wouldn't be able to walk through this journey alone.  I may of started the summer with loss but I am ending the summer with my heart full.  I am excited for the rest of my life!

1 year ago.

1 year ago today I was sitting in Dr. Westmoreland's office getting ready to discuss weight loss surgery options.  I remember sitting there terrified as I had never had a surgery before and I didn't know what to expect. I was embarrassed that I had gotten to the point of having to talk about surgery to fix my weight problem. As exciting as this journey has been it has not come without a lot of shame and sense of judgement.  I am asked all the time how I have lost the weight.  I find myself constantly taking a deep breath and over thinking how the conversation will play out once I mention gastric bypass.  I am guessing that I am not alone in my thinking. Other weight loss surgery patients have to feel this way right???  I think the always a "fat girl" mentality will forever leave me feeling judged.  I think that is natural.  How long do I answer "I had weight loss surgery"?  5 years from now do I still attribute my weight loss to surgery?  At what point is it okay to say diet and exercise?  Don't get me wrong I am proud of myself.  I know that this has not been easy. My family and close friends know this has been incredibly difficult. It has not come with a manual.

1 year ago today I was drinking my very first protein shake.  Was that really me????! I don't even recognize that girl.  As of today I am down 106 pounds.  1 year and 106 pounds!!

I've obviously changed physically with this surgery. I have changed more mentally than anything I feel.  I decided to put myself first and rid my life of negative influences.  I've lost weight but gained confidence.  I realized that I do matter and I can be happy with myself.  With this weight loss has come so much joy.  I love buying clothes now. I love walking into stores and being able to go to the junior section without hesitation.  I love having no fear of stepping on a scale.  I love having my girls wrap their arms around me effortlessly.  I love having Jason pick me up off the ground in a hug.  I love not standing in my closet crying with nothing to wear.  I love standing beside Jason and feeling like we compliment eachother.  I love that I now enjoy and crave healthy food.  I love making healthy meals.  I love life.