New weight class.

This girl hit the 150's today!!!!  I literally gasped when I saw 159.8!!! I haven't felt this amazing in a very long time. I am now down 78.8 pounds!!

I don't ever remember a time where I could feel my bones through my skin.  Since I've lost a whole lot of my ass I now have a tailbone.  Who knew it was hidden under all dat ass ;).

I'm actually dealing with a lot of pain if I sit for to long because I feel like my tailbone gets bruised!  My butt hurts all the time!  I have trouble sleeping now because if I lie on my side for to long my hip bones ache. Who knew all this would start happening?? Some of the achiness may be due to lupus and fibro but I think most of it is due to the weight loss.  I will take these problems all day long because at this moment I feel alive.

The past 2 weeks more so than anytime on this journey people have noticed the weight loss. I am seeing patients I haven't seen for 6 months and they are shocked.  I still have a lot of trouble taking compliments and I'm not sure if that will ever get easier.  After I get the compliment the inevitable question comes "how did you lose all the weight?" or "tell me your secrets!".  I catch my breath every time I get asked those questions. I have a brain battle for a couple seconds trying to figure out if I am going to be honest and divulge that I had bypass or if I am just going to say diet control.  So far I have opted for telling everyone I had gastric bypass.  After I say it I then feel guilty.  I always feel like I am then being judged. I feel like they are all thinking I took the easy way out.  Will I ever feel different??  Will I ever feel like I'm not being scrutinized?  I hate the feeling of guilt.  Bypass may seem like the easy way out to someone on the outside. Living through the process you learn quickly that this is far from easy.  Life is forever changed.  I'm also having a lot of mental battles now that I am able to eat more.  I've had a lot of anxiety come with the fact that I'm not nauseous all the time.  I am terrified that I am going to destroy all my progress.  I'm not making bad food choices by any means but I am eating more often.  I'm sure it's exactly what my body needs right now but to a food addict it's really scary.  I've realized the past 2 weeks that I still have a very long way to go.