Hammer Time.

This girl hit 65 pounds lost today!!!  It feels SO good!

NSV. Snow Day.

I haven't seen the scale move in over a week and yes I have gotten frustrated.  Sometimes we focus on the numbers to much. I do especially.  This past week my weight has been kind of all over the place fluctuating between 2-3 pounds. It's scary when your weight goes up a couple pounds. I start to feel a bit of panic rise in my chest.  I want to yell and kick the scale down the stairs.  How the hell can you go up??? That's the wrong way fucker!  I am smart enough however to realize my body is just HUNGRY. It's going through a bit of starvation.  That lovely starvation mode.  I've really been trying to focus on eating more often.  That is really hard to do when you essentially hate food.  I do know my body needs fuel and I am trying to give it what it needs. It's very much easier said than done.  So I have been trying to focus on other things rather than the scale.

So now to my NSV (non scale victory) as most of you know we have been hit with quite a bit of snow in TN.

I have actually went out the past 2 days and have been able to climb up and down hills, sled, run, and play in the snow with my kids.  This is a huge accomplishment!! There is no way that I would have been able to do any of that 63 pounds heavier.  I definitely wouldn't of been able to do it for upwards of an hour.  I actually out lasted Anistyn (my 3 year old) climbing up and sledding down the hills.  That says something considering she never stops moving.

I had fun with my kids and that makes my heart incredibly happy.  It's the littlest of things that make you realize how beneficial weight loss and getting healthy can be.  I've also realized a small plateau isn't always a bad thing.  I got this!

Nutrition woes.

This week I decided to figure up how much I am eating in a day. You don't realize how many calories you are or aren't consuming until you put them on paper.  I feel this is even more important since I had the surgery.  It was easy to eliminate items "accidentally" when I would journal before. I had the mentality of if I don't write down that handful of m&m's then it doesn't really count ( yes I realize thats why I was huge).  I destroyed myself by not being honest.  A food journal only works if you actually input everything you are eating in a day.  Thank you My Fitness Pal for showing me how blatantly terrible I am with nutrition. I've become more aware of what I am eating this week. I learned that I am consuming less than 400 calories a day.  I am not eating near enough protein to feul my body.  It's hard to get enough food in when you never think about food anymore.  I find eating unappealing.   It's just easier for me not to eat.  If I don't eat I don't in turn get nauseous.  If I don't eat the acid and reflux stays calm. I know this is NOT a good thing. I am working on figuring out how to eat more often and how to increase my protein.  Eating is easier on days that I am at work.  I have somewhat of a routine. We all sit down for lunch at the same time so my brain is tripped to actually remember to eat. At home I don't think about food.  I went yesterday without eating anything until around 6 p.m. I barely ate 300 calories yesterday.  I woke up today with intentions of eating 3 meals and 2 snacks.  I drank a Carnation no sugar added breakfast drink around 10 and some pickles a few hours later and then forgot to eat until 6:00 p.m.  Eating is hard now.  My former emotional eater self is shocked that I don't eat 24/7.  I wonder how the hell did I eat so much shit before.  I consciously decided to make a protein packed dinner tonight.  I made fresh tilapia with broccoli, broccoli slaw, and quinoa.

I forced myself to eat everything.  I am at a weight stall and I know its because my body is starving and my metabolism is shit.  I really want to start exercising but I know I would burn off all the calories I am consuming.  I am really in shock that this is even a issue.  It's worlds apart from my problems before.  I am going to figure it out. My whole life is new and an adjustment.   One more hurdle that I will overcome.

Look what I found!

Everyday since this surgery has been a new beginning. I am finding things I never knew existed or that have been gone for a VERY long time! So many exciting revelations have happened this week! I found the 170's yesterday.  I hit 60 pounds lost today!
I was laying on the floor and found.....
wait for it.....
I found my collarbone!!!

I haven't had a collarbone in a long time!  I also found that I have absolutely no trouble crossing my legs now. I can do it with ease! There is no huffing, puffing, or grunting while grabbing the leg and trying to get it situated on the other leg.  These are the little things that are exciting for overweight people. These are the things we miss when we are covered up by extra layers of fat.
I also decided since so many feats have happened this week I would try on the outfit I wore in one of my heaviest photos.  I had a blast!

I don't know if you all remember the day this picture was taken but it was a horrible day.  I blogged about the time I spent in the closet crying trying to find something to wear. The pants were so tight I couldn't breathe and I had the mother of all mothers muffin top.  I was the most uncomfortable I have ever been in my life.  The shirt was so tight and showed every fat roll.  The only reason I even took a picture was so that when I lost the weight I would be able to take comparison pictures.  The time came and I am so excited.  The pants now fall off my butt. The shirt falls down my shoulder and fits more like a dress than a shirt.
Take pictures guys. There is nothing more rewarding than seeing how far you have come.

Freaking A!

I hit 179.6 on the scale today!!! I LOVE seeing new numbers on the scale! I am down 59 pounds!

New Years.

The start of a brand new year. 2016.
It's time for everyone to start rushing around to the gym. Time to start meal planning. Time to DIEt.

I am thankful that I started my 2016 on October 2nd.  I started my brand new year 3 months ago.  I made it through Halloween candy, Thanksgiving feasts, Christmas goodies, and New Years Eve junk and I'm still in 1 piece.  I made it out 58 pounds lighter, 5 pant sizes smaller, and with a huge smile on my face.

It's not come without difficulty.  I am now having to take Reglan 4 times a day, omeprazole 40 mg a day, and Zofran 2-3 times a day.  Does it suck??? Absolutely. Would I do it all over again??? Absolutely.

 The next step will be a EGD if the reflux, nausea, and abdominal pain doesnt cease to exist.  I am hoping the addition of Reglan will help with it all.  If I could live without eating I would do it in a second.  I use to think about food 24/7 and now I am disgusted every time I eat or think about food.  Nothing is really satisfying anymore. I don't get cravings often and when I eat what I crave its unappetizing.

 I use to be a sweet lover and now my go to is salty food.  Everything sweet tastes like its been doused in liquid sugar.  There are a few things I can typically eat with little repercussions.  I love dill pickles and eat those daily.  I have no issue with pears and I eat those almost daily as well.  I eat a lot of egg and cheese sandwiches on whole wheat and even that has messed with me a few times I'm assuming because of the carbohydrates in the bread.  My stomach is usually good with cheese sticks and turkey sticks.  Other than that everything I eat pisses my stomach off. It's a finicky little bitch now.
 I still forget to eat especially if I'm at home. It will be 2-3 in the afternoon and I realize I haven't ate a dang thing all day.  By the time my stomach is starving it is in literal pain. I have hunger PAINS.

  Pain to the point I have to eat something right now because it hurts so bad. It's strange.  I still struggle with dehydration.  I try to drink often but I am definitely not as diligent as I need to be.  I figure it will come with time.  I have still not gotten into a exercise routine.  I need to.  I really want to run again.  I love cardio but getting started is the hard part.  I am going to have to work on it because there is a lot of excess skin I am noticing already. Another issue I deal with a lot now is constipation. That is something I really didn't consider being an issue but it most definitely is.  It's normal for me to go 5-6 days without a bowel movement and its uncomfortable.  I've stopped taking my iron for the past 2 weeks to try and get things regulated but it hasn't really helped.  I'm sure there are secrets to the poop movement that I just haven't figured out yet.  Yes shit talk is disgusting and its over now!
All in all I am happy with who I am becoming.  I have a long way to go yet and I am so excited to continue the journey!! I've had amazing support from everyone.  I haven't encountered anyone who has been overly negative. The people who care ask questions, send texts, and read my progress on this blog!!!