Aging.

This doesn't fully have to do with losing weight but I do have a point to my mental madness!!  As I have gotten older I think about aging a lot.  Every year that passes gives me a little more anxiety.  Older family members are dying and turning gray.  Death and dying has become a in my face reality.  I see wrinkles forming around my eyes and areas sagging that I would love to be perky and pristine!  I hear about kids younger than me dying and it makes me think about life and how it could come to an end in a second.  My kids are growing and changing on a daily basis. Noelle is becoming a teenager with boy crushes, attitude, and physical developments (so scary).  Ani is a true toddler always up to no good making me have mini heart attacks multiple times a day.  Life is flying by and it's hard to catch up!  I see my parents and grandparents aging and that is one of the most difficult to see.  I find myself counting how many more years the ones I love will be alive.  If you all haven't realized I have a bit of anxiety (don't judge me!) LOL. My mind runs a million miles an hour.  I guess the point of all this gibberish is stay healthy!  One of the best things you can do for yourself and the ones you love is to eat healthy and to exercise.  Take care of your body in every way possible to prolong your life. We all want to age gracefully and live a long life right?!  All of this is not a guaranteed life saver but every little bit helps!!  Be that healthy parent and role model. Pat yourself on the back and be proud of every step in the right direction to a healthy lifestyle you have made!!

12 week weigh in!

I am officially on my own! Today was my final weigh in at the wellness center. I've got all the tools and knowledge I need and I am ready go!! My final weight was 173. I have lost 20.8 pounds!! I have lost 5 inches from my waist and 2.5 from my hips! I'm pretty excited to see how well I can do counting only on myself. I am going to continue counting calories and hope to start exercising more. Next week is supposed to be gorgeous and I am off until Thursday so running is on the top of my to do list.  I get frustrated with myself and think " if only" often. If only I had exercised more these past 3 months I could have lost much more.  I try not to think about that but it's only natural I think. I am going to continue weighing in and letting you all know how it's going.  I'm taking my 12 week bra and panty pictures tomorrow and so hoping I see some changes. I hate that part.  If you really want to see who you truly are and what you look like take a picture. It's a humbling moment.  I've had many readers go on their own weight loss journeys and love seeing the statuses on Facebook! I hope you all continue with me! There is nothing better than getting a message or text telling me that my blog is inspirational. I love hearing about your successes!  Have a great weekend friends!

Oooops I did it again.

Oh five guys.  Five guys is sooooooo delicious.  I gave in today and went and had the above delicious goodness!!  Heck it was even my idea on where to go.  Tsk Tsk!  I have no excuses. I just wanted to eat it.  I knew I didn't need to go eat it but I did anyway.  I've learned through this journey that I can't limit myself to much.  I do realize and understand that by Friday (the day of my weigh in) I more than likely will not lose much weight.  I've "grown up" through this process.  I know that if I make a mistake through the week it will most likely reflect on the scale. I've also learned to not beat myself up for it.  This is a slow process. I've learned that along the way as well.  Of course I get discouraged when I don't lose a big chunk of weight but I get over it quickly.  Have I regretted splurging today? I can't lie and say I don't.  I have to say though those bag fries were pretty damn delicious!!  Cheater cheater five guys eater!!

11 week weigh in

I had my weigh in today and I was 174.2. I only lost .2 ounces but I am okay with it! I didn't expect to lose a huge amount after my 3 pound loss last week.  I feel good with where I am right now! I have my head on straight and I know what I need to do to get where I want to be!  I did lose 1.8 pounds of fat but gained in water. I'm drinking more soda again so I know that's where my water retention is coming from! Shhhhhhhhh don't tell anybody!  A girl needs her caffeine!  Enjoy your weekend my friends!!

Self esteem

I often wonder if there will ever be a weight that I can get to where I will not feel uncomfortable in my own skin.  I have lost the twenty pounds and am so proud of myself but I still see a whole lot of fat when I look in the mirror.  I look down in the shower and critique everything.  I will stand in front of the mirror and lift the fat up from my stomach and daydream about how I would look without it.  I do the same thing with my outer thighs and my breasticles.  My thighs and hips are so big and always have been.  I have the hardest time losing fat in those areas.  If you really want a visual my thighs measure 27 inches.  That my friends is as big as a average persons WAIST!  My old jeans still don't feel much different to me.  I hear stories of people losing 20 pounds and dropping 3 pant sizes.  How does that happen?!  Ive dropped 20 pounds and the only clothing change I've noticed is that I need new bras because my boobs have gotten smaller.  I am still wearing size large shirts although they are roomier in the waist.  I honestly just want to feel good about myself.  I know the outside physicality isn't all that matters but to me it means a lot. I often make jokes about myself because its easier to deal with that way.  It may sound harsh to people who read what I write about myself but to me it's a coping skill. Being able to type out all of my thoughts on this journey has helped me immensely.   I just want the inside to match the outside as cliche as that sounds.  Don't get me wrong I am so thankful that I am losing the lard!  I just wish (my husband HATES to hear "I wish") I could see more changes.  I guess in reality everyone wishes they could have more or do more or see more.  I just have to keep trucking along and lose the weight slowly. Its been almost 3 months since I started this blog and my "change in lifestyle".  This is the longest period of time that I have EVER stuck to a weight loss plan. My old self would have given up and thrown in the towel long ago. The end of February was difficult for me as I didn't lose any weight for two weigh ins in a row.  2013 Autumn would have said F-it give me a candy bar!  I'm proud of myself for continuing.  I'm a little nervous about doing it on my own soon. In two weeks my time with the weight loss clinic will be done.  I guess that will be my true test.  I'm scared but I think I will be okay. I've changed a lot. I've learned how to portion my food and count calories. I look at labels now which makes a huge difference and helps immensely.  I have to think ahead and remember that in three months I've lost 20 pounds so it is feasible to be able to lose 60 pounds in 9 months!  Slow and steady wins the race right?!  I know that this will never be over. I know that I will always have a love/hate relationship with food.  I'll never be able to eat whatever I want and get away with it. At least I have realized it will be a lifelong battle.  Suck it up and lose the lard!!!

10 week weigh in.

I am officially 20 pounds lighter!!!!! I am beyond excited to have reached this milestone!  I have never been so excited to see 174 show up on the scale.  I've proven to myself that if I put my mind to this I can do it!!!  Taking the evening off and enjoying some Mexican and ice cream! Enjoy the weekend friends! Thank you for the support!

Hungry.

I swear I have never been as hungry as I have been the past 3 days! I have no idea what changed but I feel like I'm starving 24/7. Monday morning I woke up at 130 in the morning with my stomach growling and sooooooo hungry! I never did get full that day. I would eat and never feel satisfied. It has been really strange and a true challenge. I woke up Tuesday morning at 4 feeling the same exact way all day long. I ate yesterday at lunch and finally had a full feeling but it didn't last long. Today has been just the same.  In the beginning of this weight loss journey I was hungry all the damn time but I at least understood why. It's not even that I am having massive cravings.  The only thing I've really wanted that isn't the best for me is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I could eat those all day if I was allowed!  I'm struggling with the fact that I am trying to lose weight and watch calories but I'm seriously really freaking hungry. It's not "I'm bored" hunger. It's not "I'm stressed" hunger. I've actually felt surprisingly fabulous!! I've been started on a new medicine for my fibromyalgia and lupus and it has done wonders for my pain! It's been such a relief to not hurt every moment of the day. I've looked into side effects of the medicine and have found none to be "overly hungry to the point of feeling starved" in my research. So it's really a conundrum. Any thoughts? It takes everything I have to not go invade the kitchen. It's been a true test of my willpower. I am seeing new numbers on the scale and it makes me want to stay true to my plan. I am seeing results again and it is addicting. So as much as I want to go get a peanut butter and jelly sandwich I will not. I will continue typing this blog for you all to read and then head to bed.  Exciting I know!  I'm sure I'll dream of FOOD!  Next weigh in is Friday! Hoping to hit the 20 pound mark!!

I saw this picture and was automatically intrigued with it! I know some may find it disturbing and disgusting but I think it is true to life. If your diet consists of greasy hamburgers, fries, and cookies you are headed in the wrong direction.  Our bodies are what walks us through life. If you want to live a long life make some adjustments to what you eat on a daily basis. Our internal organs can only handle so much abuse before they turn on us.  This lifestyle change has made me think differently about so many things. I only have this one body. I depend on it to get me through life healthy and happy.  It's already damaged by Lupus. It's only fair to feed it what it needs to stay strong.
On that note I hope I at least made one of you want to make a lifestyle change!  It's not all glitter and ponies but it sure is rewarding!

Makes me smile.

Jason told me he could really tell that Ive lost weight today

Having Jason notice small physical changes makes me smile really big.  Nothing better than having your husband give you compliments.  That most definitely keeps me in the right frame of mind and makes me want to continue on the journey.

Food Nazi.

Today I am so very thankful to have Dr. Bratsch in my weight loss corner! Yesterday she convinced me NOT to go get chocolate fudge pie from the kitchen at work. This pie was apparently amazing! After talking to her I went and got my dark chocolate covered blueberries instead. They curbed my craving for that damn pie! Later on in the day Dr. Bratsch told me she feels like a food Nazi. So the name stuck! Lol.  She keeps me in check and I am so glad!  I stepped on the scale this morning and saw a new number!!!!! So I was even more thankful for not eating the delicious pie! It's so nice to have other people noticing the physical changes too! This has been a long 9 weeks but well worth it. I'm excited to see who I am next January!
Dr Bratsch is also doing amazing on her own weight loss journey. She has lost almost 18 pounds!

A side note I was a 40 DD and I am now a 38 C!!

9 week weigh in.

Weighed in today and lost .6 pounds putting me at 177.4. Not a huge loss by any means but definitely better than a gain!

Plateau.

I think I have hit my plateau. No weight loss for going on 3 weeks. I have my official weigh in tomorrow but based on my own scale it has barely moved. At this point I feel indifferent.   I know that I have made some mistakes in the past 3 weeks. The week after my big weight loss I went a little food crazy. I have been back on track however for the past 2 weeks now.  I've been exercising more than before and staying within my calories most days.  I have splurged on pizza one time this week. I ate three pieces instead of two like I should have.  I've been drinking diet Pepsi more often and not telling my Dr's (I am bad like that). I don't drink it everyday but I do drink it about three times a week now. I've given up a lot and I don't think a few diet sodas will make that big of a difference. Every other time in my life that I have hit a plateau I end up giving up. It's hard to have a different perspective. I have to reel myself back in every time I want to stray and give up.

I haven't given up for multiple reasons.
1. I've lost 16 pounds! Why in the world would I give up only to regain all of the weight I worked so hard to lose.
2. I've lost lots of inches!! My clothes fit different. I can zip my coat up. I can wrap a towel around my whole body.
3. I've become an inspiration for friends and even my husband! What an honor.
4. I'm now a wonderful example for my children.  I have found that Anistyn loves fish and broccoli. She would have never gotten the opportunity to eat either of those if I hadn't changed my diet!
5. I see the start of a different person when I look in the mirror.

This experience has allowed me to build some confidence. I still have a long way to go to be the confident person I want to be but I have made baby steps. None of this means that I won't be discouraged if the numbers don't change. None of this means I wont turn to ice cream to help me out of a funk.  What I have realized is that this is a process. It's a long frustrating, joyous, irritating, depriving, happy, triumphant process.

Breakfast option.

I made a breakfast casserole yesterday to have for breakfast this week. I have to admit that it was incredibly easy to just pull the dish out of the refrigerator plop it on a plate heat it and eat it. It was pretty filling but nothing like my oatmeal. Hoping it grows on me. There are more calories in this but less carbs even with the fruit. Here's to lifestyle changes!

I'm mentally better this week than I have been the past few weeks.  I went to the Dr and had some medication changes that will hopefully help with the Lupus/Fibro issues. This is the first time in years that I have let Lupus get me down. Sometimes your body just screams for a break and you have to oblige.

Thank you readers and thank you for all of the support and advice along the way!

New sweet treat.

I went to the grocery store today hungry!!! Don't do that! I did make good choices during the trip one being these little ice cream bars. They curbed my chocolate and ice cream craving! They only have 100 calories in them which is perfect for a snack! Enjoy!

6 week measurements (GET FIT)